ANIMAL FARM REDUX--All the news that's fit to mock

Obama Having Second Thoughts About Zalaya Rescue!

2009-10-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

(Oct. 13, Washington) In an unscheduled Rose Garden appearance early this morning, President Obama announced that he is having second thoughts about his decision to name Jose Manuel Zelaya Rosales to the newly-created Executive Branch post of “Czar Of All Czars”.

Ex-Honduran president Zelaya is scheduled to occupy Vice-president Cheney’s old west-wing office. “Where I can keep an eye on him,” President Obama said. “We wouldn’t want anything to happen to Jose before he has a chance to re-assume the presidential office in Tegucigalpa.

"In the meantime,” the President said, “he will be in charge of all the White House czars, a sort of “capo di tutti capi” as Vice President Joe Biden put it. “His duties have not yet been defined,” the President continued. “We are still trying to come to terms with Manny’s insistence on carrying a side arm. Seeing that six-gun hanging there on his hip is freaking out the White House staff.”

When pressed by reporters to identify the most serious international relations problem that could develop because of his (President Obama’s) rescue of the Latin American president, Mr. Obama replied, “He wants to sleep on the floor by his desk. He brought a couple of smelly blankets and a straw mat, and around five P.M. he spreads them out on the floor behind Cheney's old Halliburton desk and settles in. My worst fear is that during the night, he’ll pick up a call from Putin or from Ahmad, or become startled by the cleaning crew and start shooting that cannon. The cleaning staff is nearly all Black, you know, and they spook easily. I’m beginning to regret that I rescued him at all.” He added. “I probably should have selected someone less controversial for the post. Like Jim McGreevy, or Eliot Spitzer.”

de Tocqueville's America . . .NOT

2009-10-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

In her exciting blog, my perceptive and clever friend, Rosita (http://rositatheprolesnastylittlebloggingproblem.wordpress.com/) laments the loss of a free press in our land. She could not find a remedy in de Tocqueville's "Democracy in America", for he complains that 'as men become more alike, the rules of advancement become more rigid, and advancement slows.' But through no fault of his own, de Tocqueville missed something; the America he saw was not our America.

And thank God for it. Otherwise we'd be one big Canada. (Perish the thought!) In fact, he was blessed to live at a time when men had brains in their heads.

Tocqueville’s book was written when most men’s lives were guided by doctrine and supported by principle. Honor was the second of these, after God and before country. Why? Because that’s what they were taught in childhood by their parents and later in their formal education. If, by reason of birth or condition, formal education was wanting, example was plentiful and defiance punished. Was social injustice a part of that long-ago society? Beyond doubt. Did its presence, like today’s self-styled and witless reformers assert, invalidate America’s history? Is there a Washington or a Jefferson alive anywhere in the world today? Hello!
Someone in my family attended the University of South Carolina in Columbia. When the Civil War broke out, the entire student body, seventy-five young men in all, volunteered for service in the Confederate Army. In today’s America, the only time such unanimity of purpose might be evident among our university airheads is under the conditions of a rock concert or an anti-war protest. And besides social agitation and narcissism, there wouldn’t otherwise be the faintest consideration of principle, steadfastness or conviction in their weak little minds, saying nothing of honor.
They tell us that time marches on and cultural values change. What culture? I say as the twig is bent so grows the tree. Today’s America is lost, and absent catastrophic trial, will never again know honor, purpose or patriotic fervor.
Too bad for us.

BLAMING DOCTORS - OR AT LEAST BUSH! .....ANYWAY, SOMEBODY ELSE.

2009-10-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting quote today from our Glorious Leader:

"Partisan attempts to stall or block healthcare reform are unacceptable, especially as rising costs prevent small businesses from creating new jobs at a time when the U.S. economy remains fragile," President Barack Obama said Saturday.

"Rising healthcare costs are undermining our businesses, exploding our deficits, and costing our nation more jobs with each passing month," Obama said in his weekly radio address.

(Just so you know - unemployment, especially among young people ages 17 to 24 is higher than ever before in our history. This couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that Congress just increased the minimum wage again, could it?

$7.25 an hour for a kid to come in after school to sweep out the store or load some shelves? Fuggedaboudit!)

Do you see the game here? Despite his promises that he would reduce unemployment by 3 million new jobs in his first year in office, under Obama, unemployment numbers are rising every month. In September they reached 9.8%, the highest number of unemployed Americans in 26 years.

The Chicago mobsters in the White House must have sat up all night on this one, but Obama and his consiglieri found a way to blame it on somebody else - he's going to blame rising unemployment on our healthcare system!

Hey! He can bring Bush into it and make him part of this problem too! After all, wasn't our horrible health care system in effect during Bush's term? Maybe our Dear and Glorious Leader thought this up on his million-dollar ride over to Copenhagen on Air Force One to use his unparalleled salesmanship on the stubborn fools who run the Olympic Committee and feel like they should give the southern hemisphere a chance, given that an Olympic event has never been held there and Brazil is becoming a major player in the world's economy. too bad. Those half-empty slums of Valerie Jarrett's might have made a good place for a stadium. Oh, well. There's always the winter olympics.

Mmm - mmm - mmm! Barack looks like an ass! Mmm - mmm - mmm . . . .

Oh. and you know what? All those wonderful statistics from other countries on infant mortality, and how it's so much better in other countries than it is in the USA? Well, it turns out that except for the U.S. and a couple other countries, most nations have no laws requiring the reporting of infant deaths. Isn't that interesting? I wonder if the WHO knew that when they excoriated us for our infant mortality figures? Maybe in an attempt to make the mean old USA look worse than Cuba. Naaah! They'd never do that to the nation that provides most of their funding!

Would they?

Honesty Sleeps With The Fishes, Part 2

2009-08-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

My sleep has been troubled recently by an uneasy feeling that we are all missing something important in what has now become hot and poorly-directed debate over the White House’s plans to fix what Obama calls our “broken health care system”. I know one thing. The people’s side is not being taken seriously.

Perhaps it’s because we are being corralled into a different direction by Mister Beautiful to divert our attention from what's actually on those 1,000-plus pages. Maybe the “something important” is so important that if brought into the light where it could be looked at clearly, it would change the entire debate. And maybe someone doesn’t want us to go there.

Well, I’m going there.

I’ve been pondering the issue of the “quality of medical care in the USA”, and the fact that it has become a main tool in Washington’s case for imposing socialized medicine on the nation - for make no mistake, that’s where Washington aims to take us. Liberals, including the president of the United States (who should know enough to research things like this before mouthing off) keep telling us that according to the WHO, the United States is only in 37th place in “quality of care” among the list of the world’s nations. Politicians throw this back at attendees of town-hall meetings when they try to point out that they like Medicine the way it is and nobody has explained the new “plan” to anyone’s satisfaction.

Well, the WHO ranking is right . . . as far as it goes. World Health Org. officials are at pains to suggest reasons why America’s medical care system is not as good as 36 others above it in the rankings. Unfortunately, the arcane parameters they choose to measure, like “runaway administrative costs”, “value for the dollar in hospital care” and other similar factors, have nothing to do with actual care outcomes.

As a matter of fact, despite that America’s melting pot includes people from possibly every last race and culture on the planet, each with it’s own set of disease propensities, overall care outcomes in the United States are better than in any other country in the world. And this despite that we compete with many industrialized countries that are culturally and racially homogeneous. You might want to put this into the equation when Britain and Sweden tell us how successful their socialized medical-care system is. Britain’s proportion of races other than Anglo Saxon is roughly 1/60th of the Island’s population. Sweden’s is microscopic. Compare those to America’s 47%.

Note too, that “runaway administrative costs” and “value for the dollar” are metrics that are directly affected by American malpractice laws . . . laws that were written by these same politicians to provide malpractice lawyers with easy pickings and to force doctors and hospitals to dance to their very expensive tune to avoid being sued.

And does anyone not think that medical-care fees and practice are not driven by malpractice insurance costs that now run in the hundreds of thousands of dollars annually for individual practitioners in several major specialties?

Frankly, the World Health Organization's priorities have never been that sharp.

What my pondering comes down to at bottom is that politicians using such inaccurate statistics to convince Americans that our health-care system is broken and can only be “fixed” by a government take-over is a dishonest sham. I won’t say that it is beneath our Washington officeholders, because as we are learning, no lie is too despicable, no deceit too shabby. Left-wing Congressional leaders and the White House are making accusations of people being bought and paid for, to go to meetings and raise hell. If you want to identify the people in this country being bought and paid for, you don’t have to look much further than Congress.

This, by the way, is the same government that is in charge of medical care for native-American Indians. And we all know what wonderful medical care they get.

Meanwhile, we, poor fools, inexperienced as we are in the fine points of dealing with liars, thieves and Wall Street deal-makers, can only sputter our frustration at town-hall meetings while the likes of Barack Obama suavely maneuver us into his Socialized Utopia. Like the cattle that until now, we have proven ourselves to be. Pray we’ve seen the last of that. Even suckers like us have limits.

NYC, August, 2009

Health Care shell-Game

2009-07-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

There's something going on right now in the national health-care debate that nobody seems to have noticed. Everybody but everybody is homed in on only one thing and debate about it rages over all the airwaves, in Congress whenever one of them speaks to the issue, and in newspaper and magazine commentaries.

What is it?

It's the cost. Can we afford it? What can we do to make the plan more affordable? Who will we tax? Will our taxes be raised? Will the plan be self-supporting?

And on and on. Fox News, CNN, the evening network news shows; Barack Obama says it will be cost- neutral and covered by raising taxes on "rich" people. Network panels of political news people debate it endlessly, and in great detail.

Listen to me.

It's a deception. A cover. A fraud. A Washington shell-game. An effective, and successful distraction from the real issues that will descend upon American people when the federal government assumes control of your doctor and your access to medical care.

It is a deception managed by the White House and by far-left congressional leaders to distract us from the CONTENT of the bill - what the health-care bill actually mandates about real, rendered-by-doctors care of sick people in this country, old and young.

Here are some of the details of the plan that Obama doesn't want you to know about.

1. The bill mandates abortion on demand, paid for by all of us tax-payers. Whether or not you object to abortion, the late-term murder of babies, and early-teen abortion without parental notification - on whatever grounds -

moral, ethical, religious, or compassionate, you will be paying for it. You will even be paying for sex-change operations - which are included in these on-demand "health" services. As Becky Gerritson (a Tea-Party organizer) said, this is NOT how I want my tax dollars spent.

2. The health care plan mandates euthanasia. Yes, a review of the plan reveals that some old people who are no longer "contributing members of society" can be put to death by lethal injection or other methods. Did you know that? See #4 for more. (Are you sick to to your stomach yet?)

3. Older people can be denied health care if it is deemed too expensive by the health-care czar who will be running the show in Washington. This means that older people will be denied a hip replacement, prostate cancer surgery, and even (and this has been verified in Canada!) bone fracture-repair. This means that Pop can sit in a wheelchair with his broken hip until he dies in disgust at where he has arrived after a lifetime of

work. With an unrepaired hip or a major leg fracture he will die of an embolus to his brain, heart, or lungs. Nice work, Mr. Obama!

4. On page 425 - well, here's a quote; "On page 425 Congress makes it mandatory that every 5 years people of Medicare age would have a “required counseling session.” This counseling session would deal with advanced healthcare directives and end of life services that would teach seniors how to end their life sooner, i.e. how to decline nourishment, decline hydration, how to go into a hospice. If you get sick before your next 5-year counseling session you will be required to go through the session

again (while you're sick!!) so you can learn how to do what’s best for society and your family."

Is this what we voted for? So Barack Obama can decide whether our parents live or die? Who IS this guy? Adolf Hitler?!

5. “Government controls on health care spending will be associated with longer waits for elective procedures and reduced availability of new and expensive treatments and devices.” A quote from a Dr. Blumenthal, one of Obama's advisors. This was his answer to a question as to why research funds will be cut in the new "plan".

Want to go back to 1950's medical care? Here's your opportunity.

6. Obama says that you can "keep your own health insurance." He is lying. The Secretary of Health and Human Services now, in the Obama administration, has the right to dictate and limit profits of health insurers (Something new

in our previously-free country - the federal government dictating how the private sector runs its affairs; it's fascism pure and simple.). Obama knows very well that because private insurers will not be able to compete with Federal insurance, employer-health-insurance plans will switch over to socialized insurance on a wholesale basis.

7. And finally, think about the fact that the Congress, their aids, and the entire federal government employee pool - who are imposing this "health-care" bill on the rest of us - have the best, cradle-to-grave health care that taxpayer money can buy. And when it was recently brought to a floor vote, they all - every one - voted against including themselves in ObamaCare.

What can we do? That's not the question at all. The question is, what MUST we do? The answer is, get off your ass and telephone your congressional representatives and senators. Look up their names on Google and write them, email them, and call their offices. Tell it to them plain!

Tell them you want them to know that if they vote for this bill, you will fight as hard as you can to see that they are not re-elected, that you will attend every rally, every tea-party you can find to see that they are defeated.

Oh yes, and we better pray, too.

Tom Deecy

07/27/09

Biden Takes Control of U.S. Government

2009-07-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

Early Morning Power Seizure

(Washington, July 27, 2009) In a stunning move early this morning, Vice President Joe Biden strode into the Oval Office of the White House and ousted President Barack Obama from his chair behind the Lincoln desk, telling him in the presence of the White House Chief-of-Staff and other members of the Cabinet that he (Obama) was through.

“Enough is enough!” he stormed, surprising Rahm Emmanuel, who said that he (Biden) “was red-faced, obviously angry, and looked as though it wouldn’t bode well for anyone to cross him, especially a skinny little Jew like me. My mother would have called him a meshuganeh, God rest her soul.”

Sources close to the Vice President’s office told us that for the past few days the Vice President has been quietly steaming over Barack Obama’s attire when the President attended the All Star game to throw out the first pitch. “Those jeans were terrible!” he was heard to say. “They’re an insult to sports lovers everywhere,” adding, “He lobbed that ball like a little old woman. It’s grounds for a coup d’etat!”

White House insiders were not so sure. “This isn’t Honduras, after all.” one of President Obama’s aids was heard to say.

Iraq pressures US to cooperate on Haditha killings

2006-06-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

“Islamic justice” said to be sought in case

Friday June 2, 2006

Iraq’s prime minister Nun Maliki said today that Iraq will demand access to the perpetrators of the massacre of Iraqi civilians by U.S. Marines at Haditha so that they can face Iraqi justice and not get just a “slap on the wrist” by soft American generals. The ordinary Islamic punishment of amputating a hand or two will not be sufficient.” He added.

Mr Maliki made the demand during a visit to a rebuilt power station with Washington's Iraq ambassador, Zalmay Khalilzad. The U.S. Marine battalion who were rebuilding the power station after its destruction by Islamic freedom fighters were asked to stop work for the day and to clear the area of any unexploded bombs, so that the prime minister could present his demands to the American Ambassador on camera.

"I hope it [the US investigation] will be fair for the sake of all the Haditha victims," he added.
Ambassador Khalilzad said that a handover of all the U.S. Marines presently serving in Iraq had not yet been agreed to, but that a meeting on the subject would be held later today with Iraqi police officials.

Mr Maliki also said that such incidents were common in Iraq. Troops from the multinational force showed "no respect for citizens, smashing civilian cars and killing on a suspicion or a hunch", he told reporters.
“We intend to see that these bloodthirsty Americans are brought to justice,” he added. “When they are turned over to the Iraqi authorities they will be beheaded and dragged through the streets of Haditha on the back of Abu Musab al-Zarkawi’s Mercedes Benz. It’s the only car in that town with enough horsepower.” He explained. “And since Ab lives there himself he was only too glad to volunteer the limo.”

The chairman of the Iraqi Human Rights Association, Muayed al-Anbaki, commented that the incidents were "unacceptable". "It looks like the killing of Iraqi civilians is becoming a daily phenomenon," he said. “I think we should temper justice with mercy though. Beheading a few of the ringleaders will put a stop to it once and for all. Amputating the hands of the rest of the U.S Marines in Iraq should send a loud and clear message that the new Iraqi government is not going to put up with random and senseless violence.”

In a related story, 340 reporters and photographers from The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, The Chicago Tribune, and The Boston Globe departed for Baghdad early this morning in a chartered 747, along with Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand, Robert Redford, Susan Sarandon, Rob Reiner, and Cindy Sheehan.
“This is too good to be true,” the organizer of the junket said. “I only hope that these knee-jerk Republican reactionaries finally learn something about real American values from our articles and photos. We intend to film the entire event.” He added. “Right down to the last bloody stump.”

LEARNING FROM KATRINA

2005-09-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

Refiners raise gas prices before Rita Comes Ashore

Special Report, by Grey Owl

HOUSTON (Sept 22, 2005) In an effort to head off reductions in chief executive salaries and pension plans from damages to Gulf refineries in hurricane Rita, major oil companies today raised gasoline prices another fifty cents per gallon across the country. “It’s the least we can do,” said an Exxon Mobil spokesman at a news conference announcing the measure. “People are suffering.”

With oil company profits at an all-time high for the last quarter, the move was seen by Wall St. petroleum analysts as a preventative measure. “It’s only natural for oil company executives to want the increased protection,” one analyst suggested. “After all, these men have families to support.”

PELOSI POUNDS FIRST LADY

2005-09-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

Scores Laura Bush for Comments to Press
Grey Owl
Sept 7, 2005

WASHINGTON: In a news conference marked by mounting anger, Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal) today expressed her disgust at comments made by First Lady Laura Bush in defending her husband, President George W. Bush against accusations from the far Left asserting that the President actually hates black people and wishes they were all dead.
The Congresswoman told reporters that the First Lady’s remarks clearly went beyond the bounds of good taste when she said in an interview with American Urban Radio Networks that, "I think all of those remarks are disgusting, to be perfectly frank, because of course President Bush cares about everyone in our country. And I know that. I mean, I'm the person who lives with him.”
Pelosi, furious at what she termed the First Lady’s lack of balance, good judgment, and maturity, added, “It’s extremists like her who mar the feelings of good fellowship in Washington, and give our Government a bad name. Democrats have been struggling against mounting resistance from the political right to bring civility and balance into the political dialogue, and this just proves how fruitless our efforts have been.”

WEDDING BELLS , OR JUST HEAT STROKE?

2005-08-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Tying the knot in Texas?
Grey Owl
August 18, 2005

CRAWFORD TX- Cindy Sheehan and Michael Moore may marry in September. Ms Sheehan's husband was offered an undisclosed sum of money by the movie producer to free his wife so she could wed Mr. Moore, who is divorcing his own wife to be with the Bush protester. This, according to a source close to the couple, who are encamped together on the Texas prairie near the Bush ranch to protest the war in Iraq.

“I’ve always been attracted to fat men,” she said. “There’s something about the thought of all that blubber that just lights my fire. And, I don't know - spending so much time sweating together out here under the Texas sun in our common cause has brought us closer, and well, I guess it was inevitable.”

According to Ms Sheehan, the couple will set up housekeeping in Beverly Hills, but plan to spend their honeymoon in a tent pitched just outside the fence line of President Bush’s ranch. “So we can continue our protest,” the blushing bride admitted. “After we bring down the United States Government we plan to take on Tony Blair,” Sheehan added. "Not many people know it, but Blair also has a ranch. And he keeps slaves just like Bush does." she added.

When asked to comment, Mr. Moore said only that he had no plans to marry Ms Sheehan and that the idea was absurd. “I think the heat’s got her,” he said. ducking into his oversize limo. "And I'm outta here!"

ACLU SCORES LONDON POLICE ON LEWD DISPLAY

2005-07-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

July 28, 2005
Grey Owl

WASHINGTON—In a comment on the Capital steps this morning, an ACLU spokeswoman sharply criticized Scotland Yard for forcing British citizens to appear in public without clothing.
Referring to the news this morning that London bobbies forced two Muslim men suspected of having bombs strapped to their bodies to “take off your clothes and come out (of a building) with your hands up”, the spokeswoman said it was just more evidence of the trampling of individual civil rights in what she described as “the so-called” fight against terrorism. As it turned out, the two men did not have any explosives strapped to their persons.

“I examined the tapes very closely - several times," she said. "It was totally unnecessary to make the men strip. The tapes were very graphic. We knew it would come to this the moment that President Bush and Britain’s Prime Minister Tony Blair appeared together in bathing suits on ex-President H.W. Bush’s speedboat. These men have their minds in the gutter.”

The spokeswoman said that the ACLU would file a suit against both governments for what she called “indecent exposure and inciting lewd thoughts in bystanders, news reporters, and interested people everywhere."
“Their thingies were gigantic,” she added. “It was disgusting.”

In a related story, a limited edition videotape of the arrest is being prepared. It will be made available to groups and individuals over eighteen in adult stores for an as-yet undetermined fee (plus shipping and handling) on a first come, first served basis.

BUSH APPOINTS TED KENNEDY TO SUPREME COURT

2005-07-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

Dems Fears Allayed

Grey Owl
July 12, 2005

WASHINGTON—This morning, after a breakfast meeting with Senators Charles Schumer (D-NY), Hillary Clinton (D-NY), and the President's White House physician, President Bush announced that he will seek Senate approval for the nomination of Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) to replace Sandra Day O’Conner on the U.S. Supreme Court.
The stunning news came just days after Senator Clinton likened the President to Mad Magazine’s “What, me worry?” character, Alfred E. Neuman, and Senator Kennedy himself had renewed his sharp criticism of the President for mismanagement of not only the War on Terror, but the quagmire in Iraq “and for disgracing the presidency itself.”
When asked why, after all the mean-spirited criticism from Ted Kennedy over the years of Bush's presidency, he still saw fit to elevate the Senator to the position of Supreme Court Justice, the President said that he had no comment, except that "some Presidential decisions rise above politics."
But a source close to the White House said it was because the President was hopeful that the nomination would get Kennedy to shut his big fat mouth for awhile. “It is just a matter of self-defense,” the source said, adding, “The President has his health to consider."
There is another unconfirmed report that someone very close to Mr. Bush quoted the President as saying, “This guy’s breath is so bad I’d be afraid to strike a match in the same room. If I had to be around him much longer I'd be back on the sauce myself.”

Hillary Clinton On a Roll

2005-07-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

Hillary Warms up to Street Corner Gathering
Grey Owl
July 11, 2005

Aspen—Senator Hillary Clinton, (D-NY) encouraged by audience reaction to her recent comparison of President Bush to the Mad Magazine character, Alfred E. Neuman, today expanded on her characterizations by likening the Secretary of Defense to Harrison Ford. It’s just like having a movie star in the Pentagon,” she said, drawing a laugh from a street corner gathering in the Colorado ski town.
“No, make that Henny Youngman,” she added. “He’s the one who plays the violin, isn’t he? Just like Nero did while Rome burned.”
The Senator, unusually animated in a yellow pants suit, performed a little two-step pantomime of fiddle playing, which drew another chuckle. “Well, this time it’s not Rome. It’s Washington!” she added in an obvious reference to the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon.
“Hey! This is fun!” the Senator said, warming to the passers-by. “Did you ever notice that columnist Robert Novak has teeth just like Margaret Thatcher? And Senator Arlen Spector? Doesn’t he look simply ridiculous with that bald head? He’s starting to resemble an anorexic NBA player! And Bill Frist! He’s a regular cut-up, isn’t he?” This last in an obvious reference to Senator Frist’s background as a heart surgeon.
“And,” the Senator went on, “don’t tell me you haven’t you noticed the uncanny resemblance between Jacque Chirac and Jonathan Winters?”
“Hey!” she concluded, rolling her eyes, “Stick around! We get better! Seriously, folks, I could go on for hours, but I have to go and give my Bill a jingle – if I can drag him away from Sharon Stone for a few minutes!”
Waving goodbye to both of the people still listening, the Senator made for her car where two Secret Service agents were still clapping.

ASTRONAUTS ARRIVE EARLY FOR LUNCH

2005-07-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Liftoff set for Wednesday
Grey Owl
( July 9, 2005)
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida -- The seven astronauts who will make the first space shuttle flight since the Columbia disaster arrived early at the launch site Saturday, claiming they were all “as hungry as bears.”
Commander Eileen Collins and her crew flew in by NASA corporate jet in the evening, and were greeted by Kennedy Space Center's director and nearly 100 journalists.
The crew's exuberance was apparent.
"It's been 2 1/2 years since a crew stood here before you as hungry for lunch as we are, and that's way too long," one astronaut told the crowd gathered at the runway. "It is definitely time that we go back to the facility’s cafeteria and dig right in."
Japanese astronaut Soichi Noguchi raised his fists in the air and shouted, "Ret's go fry!"
Journalists seemed confused. Dan Rather, a newcomer to the Cape Canaveral beat, said, “Excuse me, but what is all this talk of lunch? We came down here to witness a shuttle launch, not watch astronauts eating lunch.”
A Houston ground control supervisor stepped to the microphone and said, “Launch? Did you say ‘launch’? We thought that we were supposed to fly down here to the Center for lunch!"
After a hurried conference with Space Center officials she returned to the microphone.
“You’ll have to forgive me. I’m in the middle of a messy divorce and I’m just not paying attention. I was almost certain Houston sent us down here to the Cape for lunch. It’s way too early to launch. That’s not scheduled until next Wednesday. The crew were supposed to fly in from Houston on Sunday, the same day as the start of the countdown, but I was told that the trip was moved up because of gastronomical conditions, so I advanced our departure from Houston."
“Are you sure you don’t mean meteorological conditions?” a CNN reporter said. “Hurricane Dennis, perhaps?”
"We're having a hurricane?" she said.
At this point, a Kennedy Space Center official took the Houston official by the arm and led the her over to a waiting automobile. “This news conference is at an end,” he said.
In an aside clearly not meant for the assembled reporters, he added,
“Sheesh! Women in space!"

Animal Farm redux

2005-07-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

I think we all know by now that the United States Supreme Court recently voted to deny the petition of a group of home owners in New London Connecticut to overturn the city's decision to take their domiciles from them and give the properties to a private developer so that he can raze the homes and build on the land. The city claims that even though it will be used for private enterprise and not for public use as required by the original "takings" clause in the Constitution, building a shopping mall will provide jobs for residents of New London.

Three decades ago, the city of New London confiscated a private home under the takings amendment in order to construct a sea wall. Thirty five years have passed and the sea wall has yet to be built. The son of the home owner who was evicted then is one of the petitioners in the present case. The Court's new decision has provided that he will endure a second trampling of his rights under the Constitution, one which does not now have to disguise itself as being "for the public good".

The current decision has been five years in review, and at the time of the original takings decision, the city of New London determined that the home of the principal petitioner had a "fair market value" of $60,000. Because of the increase in property values over the years, the property is marketable today for something like $250,000, but according to the town politicians, a deal's a deal, and word is, only the original amount will be paid to the property owners.

We might ask ourselves what sort of living quarters can be had today for $60,000. One petitioner's family has lived in her house since 1918; she herself, now quite old, was born there. Even if the homeowners attempt to protest the out-of-date remuneration estimates they will have to appeal to the same politicians who made the decision to confiscate their homes in the first place. Any adjustment in price will be the decision of the City Council. Since the Council's argument for the private property seizure in the first place is that the town is deeply in debt and needs to "provide jobs", the homeowners are more likely than not to be rebuffed.

The Supreme Court decision, five-to-four, was strictly split along conservative/liberal lines, all the "liberal" judges voting to allow politicians to seize private property so that it can be used by another citizen for his own use, and every "conservative" judge voting to preserve private property rights against confiscation unless said property is used for public facilities which are clearly shown to be needed for the benefit of all citizens; in other words, not allowing interpretation of the takings clause in the Constitution to be anything other than it is.

At the end of all this of course, a question begs to be asked: what is liberal about allowing government seizure of private property - the homes in which people live and raise their children - so it can be turned over to another citizen - in this case a private businessman - for a profit-making endeavor, however the underlying motive of personal profit is euphemized?

This is not the first such disregard of citizens' rights under such "liberal" interpretations of our Constitution: (I'm reminded of Elian Gonzales' kidnapping, the Waco Texas massacre, and Terri Schiavo's government-sanctioned murder.)

Perhaps it is time, in this country, to re-think the terms "liberal" and "conservative".

Grey Owl

President Acts to Stem Oil Prices

2005-06-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

PRESIDENT ACTS TO EASE WORLD OIL PRICES: Solves Illegal Immigration in same stroke
Grey Owl
(June 30, 2009)

WASHINGTON: In response to the continuing upward trend in world oil prices, which on Tuesday spiked to their highest levels ever at $410 per barrel, President Hillary Clinton announced this morning that the United States last night launched simultaneous nuclear strikes on Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Nigeria, Yemen, Iran, Venezuela, North Korea, Mexico, and Texas. "Why Texas?", one reporter asked.

"Nuking Texas was a miscalculation," she said. "I got some bad advice from Howard Dean. But any time a commodity as necessary to our economy as oil gets to the point where it approaches the price of balsamic vinegar we have to take measures. I've sent my apologies to what's left of the Bush family."

When a reporter asked how the administration intends now to supply the country's petroleum needs, the President said, "As soon as the radiation has been carried away by the wind, our troops will secure the oil fields in those countries and put the pumps back in operation."

Reporters were skeptical, suggesting that it might be many thousands of years before the bombed areas would be habitable.
"That's more propaganda by the vast right-wing conspiracy," the President said. "After conferring with Al Gore, my husband the Secretary of State has assured me that it is junk science. After all, who would know better than Al Gore? To demostrate our confidence, I have asked my husband to travel to one of the blast areas as early as next week and to remain there for a week so that he can send us daily briefings on conditions. I am appointing Monika Lewinski as special representative to accompany him."

On the question of choosing Mexico City as one of the places to be vaporized, the president said,
"The nuclear attack on Mexico wasn't absolutely necessary because we buy only a small percentage of our oil from there, but on the advice of Bill O'Reilly, I went ahead anyway because as Vice President O'Reilly made clear in his news conference yesterday, it automatically solved the illegal immigration problem, which as you know, has been a thorn in his side for a while now."

"And it will not only assure a stable supply of oil but will help preserve ANWR on the North Slope of Alaska because we won't have to drill up there now at all." she added. "And that should ease Senator Kennedy's environmental concerns."

MIDDLE EAST UPDATE

2005-06-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

RICE CLEARS GAZA HURDLE
Grey Owl
(June 23, 2005)

TEL AVIV - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Sunday cleared at least one crucial hurdle in the way of Israel's historic withdrawal from Gaza and the northern West Bank.
Looking fetching and quite the athelete in Israeli-made Nikes and a spaghetti-strap taupe and brown tank top over navy running shorts, the Secretary of State cleared the hurdle easily on the first attempt.
"It's my conditioning," she said. Adding, "Like many of my people, I've been running from cops and process-servers for most of my life."

Rice's visit is seen largely as a way to shepherd cooperation between Israelis and Palestinians on disengagement. If successful on the second hurdle, a difficult water hazard, it could create conditions for progress on a broader playing field in the long term.
"Much more work will need to be done in the coming months for the disengagement to succeed," she said at a press conference Sunday at the end of the first event.
"This is a historic step that is being taken. It is not easy, and the next several months ahead of us are complicated and consequential for the future. I'm hoping that Prime Minister Sharon will shed a couple of tons of blubber so that he can more directly participate."

The Prime Minister, who was at lunch when told of Rice's statement, said he would not comment except to say that the Secretary should try the blintzes.

GASTRONOMES GAG ON GAZA

2005-06-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

GASTRONOMES GAG ON GAZA: Accusations of "pork" trigger unrest.
Grey Owl
(June 21, 2005)

JERUSALEM -- A rare meeting between Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas ended bitterly Tuesday after they failed to reach new agreements on issues related to Sharon's plan to have a cook-out on the Gaza Strip and on measures to rein in line-barging by Palestinian radicals at these events.
"I don't care how hungry they are," the Israeli leader said, chugging down a mug of coffee and 2 blintzes. "They can wait on line just like the rest of us."

Less than two months before the scheduled Israeli barbeque, the leaders clashed over Abbas's efforts to allow such militant groups as Hamas and Islamic Jihad to re-open the very successful Palestinian restaurant, "Great Gaza Goodies to Go" that Palestinians see as key to the future of the local economy after the pullout. Agreement on these issues could have bolstered a four-month-old truce now severely strained by a lack of fresh produce.
Israeli settlers blame Palestinian food co-ops, claiming their buying groups are snapping up all the fresh food before the Jewish settlers can even get to the open-air markets in the morning. "They're up all night strapping shekels on their teen-aged children so it's easy for them to get to the markets before anybody else," one settler charged. "They've become experts at strapping things to their kids," he added. "It puts Jewish settlers at a great disadvantage."

"None of the issues have progressed up to the expectations of the people," Ahmed Qureia, the Palestinian Authority prime minister, said during a news conference in the West Bank city of Ramallah after attending the meeting. "The food that was presented to us was not satisfying at all. It was mostly all bread with only a little meat in the center. And what little there was smelled suspiciously of pork." he added, holding his nose.

Israeli officials said that between snacks, Sharon spoke angrily at times during the talks. Afterward, while scarfing down a large pizza, extra cheese and mushrooms, hold the anchovies, and a large economy-size Diet Coke, he told a hotel industry conference:
"We see many good intentions on the part of the Palestinian Authority, and the food at the 'Four Gs' (as the Gaza eating place is called by locals) is really good. However, unfortunately, at the same time there is no kosher menu."

The summit at Sharon's official residence marked only the second time he and Abbas have met since Abbas was chosen as head of the Palestinian Authority in January. His election following the death of Yasser Arafat, whom Israeli officials accused of fostering unauthorized food buying by terror groups, raised hopes for renewal of a peace process that had been stalled since the September 2000 start of the Palestinian tail-gate parties.

Reporters noted a small refrigerator truck backed against the loading platform at the rear of Sharon's official residence before the start of the meeting. An ABC newsman said that after the meeting broke up, it pulled away and a second truck arrived. Photographers were told by the Prime Minister's mother that photography was "off-limits" but if they were hungry they "should come in and nosh".
"You all look too skinny." she said. "Are any of you still single?"

DEAN DUMPS ON DURBIN

2005-06-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

DEAN DUMPS ON DURBAN: News report
Grey Owl

June 17, 2005

In a scathing denouncement today in the White House Rose Garden, Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic Party, denounced Senator Richard Durbin (D-Ill) for what he called, "anti-American hate-mongering". He went on to say that "people like Durbin, Reid, Pelosi, Baldwin, Sheen, Rather, Franken, Matthews, Gore, Byrd, Kerry, (both of them), Streisand, and all those colored people and wet-backs, are at the root of all the problems in this country, and that he wished that Los Angeles would fall off into the Pacific Ocean in one gigantic earthquake. As for his previous condemnations of Republicans, he said, "No comment. I've given up making inflammatory statements."

Chairman Dean, who has himself been recently criticized for saying that he "hates and loathes" Republicans, and also for calling President Bush a "nincompoop, not fit to serve as dog catcher much less any national elective office", has apparently made an abrupt about-face after a lengthy Oval-Office consultation with Bernard Kerik, Bush's one-time candidate for chief of Homeland Security.

Contacted at his ranch in Texas, President Bush said only that he had every confidence that after talking to Mr. Kerik, he was certain "that there was "no dis-assembly" in the report. "Dis-assembly - that means to make something up," he said.
When asked why the discredited Bernard Kerik would be allowed to meet with people in the Oval Office, Bush replied, "It's the People's House. That means it belongs to the American people."

After he left the White House, Howard Dean talked to reporters.
"Tonight I'm heading back home to New Hampshire," he said. "If the Church will have me, I plan to enter the priesthood. Mr Kerik, who is religious himself, was very convincing, and made several references to our Lord during our conversation. And before you ask; no - Mr Kerik was not in any way coercive. The fact that two Sicilian wrestlers were at the meeting had nothing to do with anything. They are friends of Mr Kerik. I wasn't worried at all. Mr Kerik assured me they weren't armed. He told me the White House wouldn't allow it."

New Economic Stats Stir Unrest

2005-06-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

New High in Disposable Income Spurs Unrest: Nancy Pelosi
Grey Owl
(2005-06-14)

WASHINGTON--While listening to speeches at Flag Day ceremonies in Washington today, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal) talked to journalists Paula Zahn and Lou Dobbs about what she called the unconscionable growth in disposable income in this country under the Bush Administration.
The Congresswoman cited the tax-reduction policies pushed through Congress during the President's first term as the cause of the severe unbalance. "It's making the whole country nervous," she said. "People are beginning to think that the extra money in their bank accounts actually belongs to them. If Congress doesn't act soon, that money will be squandered away by paying down home mortgages and buying food." she added.
"I only hope in 2008 we can put a Democrat in the White House so we can return to fiscal responsibility. It's too bad that President Carter is too old to run. He was one president who really understood interest rates and debt."

In a related story, ex-President Carter applied for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection for his peanut farm yesterday.
"With all the loose money floating around, nobody is enjoying the simple pleasures - like a bag of peanuts," he said, shaking his head sadly. "That's what comes of putting Oil Barons in the White House."

DEMS DEMAND DIVORCE

2005-06-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

DEMS DEMAND DIVORCE: Laura Bush Must Step Down, Senators Scold
Grey Owl
June 15, 2005

NEW YORK--At a Democrat Fund Raiser in New York today, Senators Charles Schumer (D-NY) and Ted Kennedy (D-Ma) demanded that Laura Bush resign her position as First Lady and divorce the President. Senator Schumer told a cheering audience of New York City school teachers that the nation can no longer afford to have people in government who make such obviously irresponsible statements. "Laura Bush has insulted every school teacher in America and embarrassed us with all of our European friends." he said.

The Senator was referring to a talk the first Lady gave to pre-school children and their parents in West Virginia, where she said that, "Children should not depend only on grownups, but instead should read books and study hard in school for success in later life".

Senator Schumer said such statements are an abuse of the First Lady's responsibilities, and are clearly over the line. The Senator said that her inflammatory statements, "make it crystal clear that just stepping down would simply not be good enough. She has not only offended every conscientious school teacher in this country," he said. "She has insulted the late, great Senator from West Virginia, Robert Byrd." (D-W.Va)

"Incendiary statements like this," he went on, "can only hurt Senator Byrd's efforts to earmark the new highway bill to add a badly-needed fifty billion dollars to the West Virginia school budget for fiscal 2006."
The Senator told a cheering crowd that Laura Bush must now distance herself from this administration entirely by divorcing the President and leaving the White House for good.

"It's the only decent thing to do," Senator Kennedy added, finding his way to the microphone. "Laura Bush should go back home to Plains Georgia, where she came from."